Sleeping Pills and Loathesome Memories
by RegallyCharmingRegina
Summary: Just read and review? I hate writing summaries.


She laid there, her eyes staring that the popcorn ceiling of her bedroom, her hand laying limply against her hand. She was seconds away from sleep and she knew it. Two sleeping pills and a glass, or four of wine will do that to you of course. She felt like she hadn't slept in days, maybe even weeks? She didn't know. She didn't care. Everything had been taken from her. Her entire existence was taken from her.

Henry.

He was her son, not the bitchy blond sheriff Swan. Not the Savior. Her eyes pricked with tears as she felt even drowsier. The sheriff had kept him from her. Her only son, the only person she loved right now. Love? If Regina could move she would sit up and throw her alarm clock against the wall in anger over the simple word. It may have been simple but it carried so much behind it. So much pain, anguish, heartbreak. But then again it help happiness, compassion, trust. No. She attempted to shake her head, but it looked more like a twitch.

She had taken the sleeping pills for comfort. The comfort of know she could sleep just once without nightmares. The comfort of knowing she may not wake up the next morning and she didn't care. Regina honestly had no regard for her life right now. Her mother was-

Her mother.

Her heart broke the moment Cora's body fell to the ground. It shattered into a thousand small pieces. She had always, always wanted her mother's love. Her approval. In the moment Regina had plunged Cora's heart back into her chest she saw that love, only for a brief moment. Regina felt hope in that moment. A small sliver of hope rang throughout her heart.

"This would have been enough." She remembered Cora's aged voice as she laid in her arms on her deathbed. Her tears finally started to slide down her cheeks in anguish. She couldn't handle losing everything. Regina had tried. Good lord she had tried to be good. But Snow White and her.. Charming. They just kept knocking her when she was down, when she was trying to redeem herself. She had even gave up magic until she had to kill Daniel. Her lover reduced to dust before her eyes, at her own hand no less! Regina was meant to be alone.

She closed her eyes after the ceiling began to no longer look white. It became an off-white after a while. It freaked her out. She felt herself slowly slipping into a state of unconscious, images of people she'd known. People she'd cared for. People she'd hated.

She remembered all of her little 'affairs'. That is what she liked to call him. Even in the Enchanted Forest she would use men for her satisfaction. Just so she wouldn't feel lonely for mere minutes, sometimes hours. It always depended on the man and her mood of course.

Charming, Jefferson, Hook, Huntsman. The memories all flooded through her mind as if a dam had broken in her brain. She didn't want to see it. The way she made them powerless with her seductive prowess. Regina not only the Evil Queen, she was a seductress. She used sex to get her way. She needed Jefferson and his hat? Fuck him and then leave him in Wonderland to deal with Cora at her worst. She needed Hook to kill her mother? Fuck him too, only to have him switch sides on her and trick her into thinking Cora was dead.

But Graham. Oh, her huntsman. He was her pet, her plaything. She toyed with him until he could be toyed with no more. He betrayed her, attempted to trick her. The price he paid was the perfect punishment. But she'd grown fond of the heartless hunter. HER heartless hunter. But yet again.. The blond bitch took him from her, and he had to pay.

And Charming. Oh the complicated relationship of Regina and David. Of course, he hadn't known she was the queen. Hell, He didn't even know he was Charming. But she remember. Regina remembered every touch, every kiss. The satisfaction of him leaving Mary-Margret and Katherine without anyone knowing why. She remembered the feel of his sweaty skin beneath her fingertips. His muscles contracting with every thrust into her body had always made her shiver. Regina would never admit that he had told her he loved her. She had pretended to be asleep, and she did everything she could to ignore the fluttery, warm feelings in her stomach. But she knew he saw the smile spread across her face.

But the second the curse broke, Regina knew, she knew that he would leave her for Snow. He wasn't her Prince Charming. But he was her David Nolan, animal shelter volunteer. He belonged to her no matter how much he didn't want to admit it. But he was with her dearest step-daughter. Snow.. White. Regina absolutely hated her. Occasionally, she would catch David.. Or Charming rather looking at her the way he used to. Pre-curse. Every time he did, it snapped another piece of her heart off. And now, it's shattered, shattered beyond belief.

Slowly, the images of her past lovers faded and she slipped into an unconscious mess. A black abyss of nothing created by modern medicine and alcohol. She slipped so far down that she felt numb. She felt good. She didn't feel the pain of lost love, the remorse of lost souls.

The sound of a blue bird at her window woke her up the next morning. She shot up and her eyes were black, soulless. It was her. She was unloved, uncared for, and unresponsive. She was tainted, used goods. She was alone, evil and nothing would stop her from being the way she was. No one. Something was always taken from her, even when she was good. She wasn't entitled to her happy ending. She was entitled to nothing.

Nothing was all The Evil Queen would ever be.

FIN.


End file.
